apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Randomize
