i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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