he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize