I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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