There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
