My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
