everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
