fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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