maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
