He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize