Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
