If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
