He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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