I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
