She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
