Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
