What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
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