Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
