I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
