so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
