you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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