oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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