I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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