My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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