I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
