If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
