My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
