He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
