We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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