Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
