My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
