I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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