please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
