Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
