I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
