So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize