what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
