please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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