Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
