I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Randomize