Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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