A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize