That's when you crack a 10am beer
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
