Can i not drive my cunt home
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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