I feel like abortions should bother me more
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
