I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
