Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
