So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
