Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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