I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
