My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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