Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
