In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
