He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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