You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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