You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
