we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
