he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
