I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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