They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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