I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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