In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
