erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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