A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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