So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
